


All Fall Down

by ood



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 22:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ood/pseuds/ood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that the king has passed, Queen Guinevere is to serve over Camelot with her friend gone and no family remaining alive to offer her help. Nevertheless, she swears she shall carry on Arthur's legacy and bring his plans to unite Albion and protect the kingdom from harm.<br/>However, not all of the King's enemies have gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Fall Down

...

The moment the announcement of the King's death and how the Queen was now the sole ruler of Camelot had ended, Gwen had left the room as quickly as possible. Unwilling and too numb to allow any words of praise for her role to truly reach her, she scurried away and grunted at her dress not allowing her movements to be as fast as she'd have liked, not a volunteering subject to almost tripping and having to catch herself a few times. She felt as if she was suffocating - the royal seal hailed from the Pendragons burned in her palm, as if to tell her she had no right to assume her place as Queen.  _You can't cry until you get to your room,_ she had chanted to herself in her mind. She was surprised at how she held it together throughout Sir Leon's speech. 

Once she arrived at her chambers (the thought of  _her_ and not  _their_ chambers made her throat close up) she turned to the two servants who had been hurrying to keep up with the distressed queen.

"You may have these next three days off," Gwen informed them, putting on a smile that she knew looked unconvincing but didn't feel too fussed to put on a show for them for they probably could understand her torment more so than any of the nobles around. She could guess they'd have endured grief in their life like she had when she'd been in their position. Nobles never seemed to grasp the luck they had to never worry if they'd have enough food to survive the next few days or if they could get help for any relative with an illness.

"Milady, are you sure you do-- " began one of the girls, looking nervous as she addressed the queen.

"It's fine, I'm sure I can manage getting dressed by myself for three days." Gwen had intended the words to come off as a joke but they felt too hollow as they passed through her lips.

The two servants looked at one another in uncertainty but gave Gwen a firm nod, bowed and turned on their heels to leave. Gwen gave a sigh of relief, pleased they hadn't pushed her to provide their duties on her behalf.

Immediately when Gwen entered the room she sat down on what was once _their_ bed. She stroked the fabric, her lips pressed together and her body trembled against her will.

It was easier to pretend he was just gone off on a trip with the Knights as usual and Gwen was paranoid at the prospect of him not returning when, really, for years he'd always come back to her. He'd hold her close the night he'd be home, have her pressed against his body to hear his heartbeat and tell her she never had to worry about losing him. _I'm here, Guinevere. And I always will be._

It's as if ice had began to pump through her veins, there was no more warmth. He wasn't going to come in to hold her close and promise her any longer he'll always be there for her, for Camelot. She'd never get to see his face light up with a smile again, never get to kiss his lips or hear his heartbeat when she'd have her head pressed against his chest. All his life, all his spirit, every single thing that made him Arthur was now destroyed, lost to her and everyone else who cherished him for this lifetime.

He was gone.

It hurt even more that she once had hope he would return. When Gaius handed her the royal seal she felt the wind go out of her, almost wanting to buckle to her knees and scream out. He told her he was still alive and Merlin was trying to save him and she submitted to believing and hoping against hope he'd be saved.

Merlin.

He hadn't returned, Gwen never knew whether it was out of him feeling as if he failed if he couldn't return with the king with him or if he had to move on from Camelot and seek out wherever his destiny would now lead him with the Once and Future King's passing. She hoped it was the latter because she knew Merlin's pain cut him deeply, he probably was incapable of allowing himself forgiveness despite having no power in the situation. Of course Gwen felt the selfish upset Merlin couldn't bring her husband home, but she knew it was out of Merlin's hands. She knew Merlin would give his life for Arthur time and time again and had saved his life more times than she could guess.

She wanted Merlin to come back. He was her friend and knew Arthur as best as she did and she felt like she had lost two people in Arthur's death. The regret clawed at her chest for not offering more friendship to Merlin - maybe, if she had, he would be there. Camelot needed Arthur but with Arthur they needed Merlin.

Gwen had no way to know where Merlin had gone and if he wanted to see her and she once more felt selfish at her desperately wanting to see him if only to confide in someone with her grief for Arthur. She guessed, though, she had to let him go on his own path. Merlin had no obligations to Camelot any longer and they'd forever be in his debt. 

Snuggling down onto her bed and gripping onto the covers with her fingers tightly, Gwen felt the tears leak out of her eyes and allowed them. Here, no one could see the widow's sorrow. If she had been seen crying earlier, rumours would circulate she was unfit for taking on the authority of the ruler of Camelot wielded and she knew Arthur would be displeased if she would give up on her role. She owed him at least that much, to make sure all he had built was still intact and not gone the moment of his death.

It was somehow funny how this was not even want Gwen desired. She never wanted the kingdom for herself - she didn't want to be treated with riches and looked up to by many to help them. All she wanted was to be by Arthur's side and have him by hers, not to lose him to gain such a responsibility. While she cared deeply for Camelot, it felt like the gods had laughed in the face of Arthur who had prepared so long and hard to be an honest and just king to have him simply dead before he could make the choices he was willing to for the kingdom's sake. Now the duty fell to Gwen who didn't believe she could ever amount to the queen Camelot deserved. Had Arthur been there he could've offered Gwen support, tell her he believed in her... But he was dead.

Queen Guinevere, the queen who lost everything. Everything she had touched had turned to dust.

Gwen hadn't been looking out for the time but she noted how the sun went down and the night creeped on through the windows. Spending hours crying wasn't a respectable action, but she prayed the people would give her time to adjust. She already felt like her body was crumbling in on herself and any push would allow her to fall apart completely. Each time she tried to catch herself, to tell herself to stop the tears, she'd remember something small - Merlin's laugh, Arthur's hand in hers, her father's trust, Elyan's faith, Lancelot's comfort, Gwaine's grin, Morgana's lost compassion - and she was once more at a loss of control at the hold of her composure. So many had died, so many she had no chance but to let go for she couldn't help them. How many had died in the fights, defending Camelot without a single shred of hold on their lives if not to serve Camelot. 

It was unhealthy but a pattern Gwen had no ability to escape from. Every night she had began to cry herself to sleep, if she could achieve even a few hours of rest at that.

...

"Milady," Gaius addressed Gwen as he entered into her room.

"Gaius, please. You know I prefer it if you weren't so formal and would just call me by my name," Gwen responded, not hiding her fondness for the older man. It was a comfort to have Gaius's presence but Gwen knew full well he was struggling like her to deal with the aftermath of all that Arthur's death had produced. Merlin's disappearance had caused Gaius to behave more quietly each time Gwen had seen him, and his eyes appeared more worn and older - whatever twinkle Merlin had put on them with his arrival, he had taken it with him upon him leaving. Gwen's heart ached for him, wishing there was anything she could do to have Merlin see Gaius one more time. She was at a loss for that, however. No one had seen Merlin for the few months that had passed. Neither Gwen nor Gaius believed the warlock was dead, though. Gwen outright refused to entertain the thought while Gaius, with his more vast knowledge of the boy's background, knew Merlin wasn't so easy to kill like Arthur would've been.

"My apologises, Gwen," Gaius said softly. He moved forward to where Gwen was rested back on her bed, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Sir Leon and Sir Percival have reported to me you've not been well for the past few weeks."

Gwen huffed in indignation. While she understood the two knights had grown more protective of her after they had lost Lancelot, Elyan, Gwaine, Arthur and (though not so directly) Merlin over the years, they had not realised Gwen was just busy constantly and therefore her body was stubbornly pushing her to rest, nothing more. She could cope and didn't require any help - she had a lot of planning for the kingdom in mind. Especially in terms of aborting the law against the use of magic in hopes it could draw Merlin back, and making the plans Arthur had began to unite Albion, once and for all, a define certainty. Tireless nights weren't too bad on Gwen any longer - they kept her grief at bay, at the very least.

"I'm fine, Gaius." Gwen sighed when Gaius didn't appear to look satisfied with Gwen's defence. "Just need rest, I know."

"You've been sick?" Gaius enquired, pressing a hand against Gwen's forehead and frowning at the slight fever she was running.

"My appetite ever since Arthur's passing hasn't been as strong as it was," Gwen admitted with reluctance. "But I am trying to improve it, I suppose my stomach might've shrink with the portions lessening."

"You've been vomiting?" Gaius pressed, as he took place at the end of the bed. Gwen licked her lips and gave a nod.

"When did you last bleed?" The words felt distant to Gwen's ears as shock had consumed her. It was clear what Gaius was leading up to in his questions and the fear in Gwen had amplified. 

"I'm not sure," she said shaken. "At least two months ago, a little over that, I hadn't been keeping track... "

"And the last time you... ?" Gaius questioned, and Gwen felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

Memories flashed of the last time she and Arthur had been together. The tent, dimly lit and cold but Gwen had been distracted with Arthur's urgency, too taken with his touch and lingering words of love. 

"It's impossible," Gwen stated, confirming Gaius's suspicions. "I thought I was barren! We hadn't - _couldn't_ - conceive for _years!_ I can't be... " Tears had slowly started to fall down Gwen's cheeks and a shocked Gaius had quickly gone to offer the young queen a hug.

"I can't be, Gaius. How can this be?" she asked him.

"Milday, please don't feel this is a horror," Gaius supplied gently. "The heir to Camelot grows within you, strong and healthy. I have feel conviction you will be a wonderful mother and this child will grow to be, I daresay, rather like Arthur and hopefully possess the both of their parents' good qualities."

"Will they believe this child to be Arthur's?" Gwen asked nervously after a moment of silence for her to adjust to the knowledge, looking down under her duvet to her still flat stomach. She chewed on her lower lip, afraid of anyone not believing the life that was there wasn't his for she was certain if anyone deemed her unfaithful as they had before, she'd break apart. 

"Never had they seen a love like yours and Arthur's in their lives, I believe," Gaius said kindly. "His child will be surely welcomed and hopefully will offer an increased celebration amongst the kingdom."

Gwen sucked in a breath. "A baby, our baby... " she said in wonder. "I never believed, after the first year of us not being able to... "

"Miracles do happen, milday," Gaius told her. "Remember you must eat and rest often and do not over-do any work. From what you've told me it appears this child must be almost at nine weeks."

"I should've known, should've thought about it," Gwen ranted, feeling stupid for not being able to think of there ever being a chance of her getting pregnant.

"You now know and I trust you will do everything in your power to make sure this child is well," Gaius replied. He gave her a small smile as he proceeded to exit the room.

"Gaius!" Gwen called quickly. When the old man turned, she gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you, for everything you've done for Arthur and I over the years. We owe you so much."

"It is no problem, Gwen," Gaius said after a pause, remembering to refer to her by name. "Sleep now, you must be exhausted."

Gwen nodded and watched as Gaius left, feeling conflicted between joy and melancholy, excitement and fear. 

"Oh Arthur," she whispered to herself. "If only you were here... I don't know how I can get through this alone." She closed her eyes tightly and thought once more of the last night between her and her husband and smiled sadly, wishing she could've just held on to him for a few seconds longer, not having known it would be their last time together.

"If only Merlin were here," she yawned out as she let the fatigue take over her. "He'd know I forgave him and would like him to be involved with the baby."

...

The young warlock had been travelling endlessly to Camelot, his feet swollen with blisters and his eyes bloodshot. He looked like death itself - his frame thinner, his skin pale with no hint of blood to colour his cheeks and his skin splotched with earth. Lips dry from lack of water, he pushed on.

"Halt!" came a yell that shook Merlin to his core. He glanced up at the guard who stood looking him down.

"What business do you have here, boy?" the man asked, dismayed by Merlin's messy appearance.

"I have to speak with the queen," Merlin pressed in worry, trying to think of a way to get past the unconvinced guard.

"What is it that you wish to tell the queen?" 

"She's in danger!" Merlin's emotions were not bound longer and his anger released. The guard was taken back by the outburst.

"She's in danger, please just let me go to see her!" Merlin begged, feeling his vision slip as he desperately pleaded with his body to stay alert and not to fail him yet.

"Camelot... Camelot will be destroyed, I've seen it burn!" Merlin continued, feeling his balance crack as he hit the ground with a thump. In his broken voice he echoed his earlier words once more to the conflicted guard, "She's in danger."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Not sure if I should continue, I hope you liked it though! :)


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